Took my towel with me
to go lie in the bathtub,
listened to an audiobook of lord of the rings and talked to some guy on hinge,
talked to my mom and felt really loved,
I think that she did too.
Thought about that vintage jellycat hound,
that I saw in a store,
it looked very loved and was being sold for 40 pounds,
it said “retired and rare” on its price tag.
Thought that maybe I shouldn’t feel sentimental for a stuffed dog,
because people in wars not all too far away are fighting for their survival everyday.
But then I thought that one didn’t really have much to do with the other,
and I could feel sentimental about that dog,
and I do wonder if someone has bought that baby, for 40 pounds.
I’m working with babies at the moment and I remembered how my best friend and I once,
a long long time ago,
talked about how we didn’t want to stop drinking out of baby bottles when our parents told us that we had to.
Now I’m wondering, if I started drinking out of baby bottles again
and crawling on the floor,
whether I’d feel more like that little person that I see on all those pictures
is actually me.
My app is telling me that I should’ve started sleeping five minutes ago,
so I sleep for me tomorrow, I should, so I do.
So good night, because I don’t have to fight,
I can just close my eyes and try to not think about it twice,
the way you held me that night,
or the concept of time.
Or what i want to say to you when i see you
the next time,
or about the painting i want to make,
the way I try to not miss you, maybe other people too, too much,
for my and our sake.
Going to sleep might be proof
that it will be fine,
because I go to sleep for tomorrow,
for me tomorrow.
And even if my eyes are closed,
the moon will be there in its place
and shine anyways.
And if the moon could talk,
i’m sure it would wish us a good night
and say, you don’t have to fight,
you’re safe, you can sleep
you’re safe.
